i need an iv and a liver transplant
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
