She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
