I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
