Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
