yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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