Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
