Plan B is the new Plan A
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
