3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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