So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
