If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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