i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
