After last night, I could never be a politician.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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