This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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