do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
