There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
