Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
