i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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