I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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