Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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