Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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