in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
