8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
