I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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