the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
