just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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