Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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