AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
