Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
