no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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