I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
