no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize