I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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