My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
