So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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