apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
