I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
