Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
