before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
