You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He passed out mid-signature
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
