You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
