i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
