Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
