Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
