i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The best revenge is premature balding
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize