ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A bitchslap is in order.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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