I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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