I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Rumble strips road head = magical
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
