The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
