its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
