I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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