i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
