That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
