It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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