I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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