It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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