How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
