i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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