i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
