she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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