Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
