I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
