Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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