Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Drake has all the answers
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
