k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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