Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
