if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
