I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
