he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
