The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
