Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
