This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
