Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
