Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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