ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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