I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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