he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
