you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
