Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
