Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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