My brain says no but my pants say off.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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