This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
