you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
