On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
