Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I love you. Go after that dick
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize