I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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