I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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