I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
