yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
