There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize