Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
