It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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