all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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