Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
