I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
