I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
