rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish I only lived at night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
