I'm eating all of the evidence.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
